Understanding?

I was sitting here, in my house, alone, looking outside at the night. A thought occured to me, not necessarily a new one, but a new perspective on it. The thought was that we're all so stupid. So entirely stupid. We understand nothing about anything, and our entire span of life is us blundering through an unlighted maze, bumping in to walls, obstacles, and other people. And then we die, long before we ever come anywhere near to the end of the maze. Maybe if you're lucky, you find a dead-end, and you know that you took a wrong turn somewhere. Only when you slam face-first in to the cold wall, and realize that you need to retrace your steps and try again.

Now, most of you, if not all, of you who will read this, if any will(=P) think that that right there is some cynical shit. Maybe you'll think "What happened to him recently that he got so cynical in such a short time?" Well, nothing. Because it's not cynical. It's just a thought. We understand nothing about life. That is a fact. Maybe we've got the basics. We know that we're related to apes, and we're mammals. We know how to drop bombs on people, and we know how to make cars. But what is the USE of all of that? It doesn't make our life any better, not really. We're still as spiritually and self-impaired as we were a million years ago, if not more so.

We don't understand ourselves. Not to any real extent. We can't control ourselves. We're just along for the ride. The best we can do is know the signs, and duck and run for cover. How many people do you know that are really, truly, in control of themselves and their life? Who do you know that can control their emotions, and all that? And maybe it's not a bad thing that we can't. Maybe we're not meant to control our emotions, otherwise what fun would life be? But we don't even UNDERSTAND our emotions. They're just something we live with. We don't even experience our emotions like we should. Well, that's what I think anyway. We don't know what love is. We don't know what hate is. We don't know was sadness, or joy is. Sure, go look it up in a dictionary, but that's not knowing what it is.

How often have you felt truly connected to someone? How often have you felt honestly truly contented? How often have you felt like there was a fire inside you, and you just wanted to burn as high as the sky? How often have you felt love, true, deep, uncomprimising love? How often have you felt the righteous anger that burns in your eyes, an anger that has told everyone around you that you do NOT want to be fucked with, under any circumstances? How often have you FELT?

If you say anything more then a minute, more then a moment, then I am calling your bluff, or I think you misunderstood my questions. Because those moments are moments of perfection. And if you think that you've collected more then a moment or a couple of moments of perfection then you're confused. A moment or two of perfection is all we get. Again, maybe that's not bad. Maybe it gives us something to strive for. But a moment out of how many moments? A moment that is probably more luck than anything else? Imagine a LIFE of those moments.

That's why I feel that we're all so stupid. That's why I think so much. So maybe I can make some light for myself and for the people near and dear to me, so that we may navigate this maze of life a little bit better. So that maybe I'll get an extra moment of perfection. Maybe a moment that I can share with others. Welcome to my life.